Overcoming Shyness

Ah shyness, one of the most common issues people face, especially when you’re young. To be honest, I used to be pretty shy too, but that was a long time ago, in fact, I don’t even remember it, but I know I was. I then went on to act in school plays and become Junior Class President. ;)

True, engaging with other people, especially when you don’t know them, can become a little too much to handle. After all, your aim is to leave a good impression of yourself, right? Truth is, you’re putting too much emphasis on how others view you, that, in itself, is a problem you need to overcome. When you continually question to yourself, “How do others view me.” you are subconsciously lowering your own self-confidence. The lack of self-confidence, this is probably the number one underlying cause of shyness. Increasing your own self-confidence isn’t too hard to do really. So let’s start with some simple tips to increase self-confidence.

Causes and Solutions for Shyness

AN UNINSPIRED ATTIRE

One must be presentable to themselves and others. Nothing says “I’m awesome.” more than an awesome attire that shows others what you‘re all about. Here’s a question, when was the last time you really thought about what you wore, instead of just throwing on whatever for the sake of not being naked? If your answer was, “I dunno lol” then you probably need to change your attire. When you’re wearing something you love, then that in itself is enough to boost your self-confidence drastically. So, remember that piece of clothing you were eying? Go buy it. If you think you look good, then you look good. That is often the mindset people overlook, “You are what you think.”

HAVING TOO MUCH SELF-AWARENESS

“Am I rambling?”

“Why are they looking at me?”

“Were they laughing at me, or with me?”

“I hope I’m not sounding like an idiot.”

“How’s my posture.”

Stop questioning yourself all the time. That’s another thing that contributes to shyness, you’re too afraid of what other people are thinking of you. Self-awareness can be a good thing, but too MUCH self-awareness turns into an obsession with trying too hard.

Instead of focusing on what other people are thinking, focus on the conversation, that’s where the focus should always go anyways. When your attention isn’t on the conversation, you aren’t able to think of things to say, which in itself creates shyness, DO YOU GET IT!?

Focusing too much on others’ thoughts = Not Putting Enough Attention on the Topic

Not Putting Enough Attention on the Topic = Lack of things to say.

Lack of things to say  = Lack of confidence to carry on a conversation

Lack of Confidence to Carry on a Conversation = Shyness

I’M NOT USED TO SPEAKING IN FRONT OF OTHERS

This usually ties into the topics above. You’re afraid of public speaking because you probably lack the confidence to carry on a conversation. But, since we’ve discussed that, it should no longer be an issue. ;)

HOWEVER, if you’re still unsure of yourself regardless, I want you to write an essay on a topic you love. When you’re finished. I want you to read it how you’d normally read it, in front of a mirror, standing up. If you’re not used to speaking in front of others, than you’ll probably be able to catch yourself making some mistakes during your reading… maybe stuttering/stammering, etc.

Keep rereading it, each time adding more command to your voice and fixing yourself when you stutter or whatnot. If you think you sound confident, you are. Keep practicing it with different essays/reading materials and you’ll eventually gain that command in your voice subconsciously. Try practicing in front of your brother/sister, mom/dad etc. and then work your way up to a bigger crowd.

I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH ANYONE

Personally, I prefer hanging out with people I can relate to, but that’s typically how a lot of people work. What’s that? You say your interests are very different? Please, you’re reading something from a kid who thinks dragons have the possibility of being real, and I manage. So, if you think your views are odd, know that EVERYONE has odd tastes here and there. To me, it’s better to have odd tastes than average tastes ANY DAY. =D That said...

JOIN GROUPS/CLUBS WHERE YOUR INTEREST IS A COMMON THING

It’ll be much easier to find someone who shares your tastes when you’re in the same group. From there, it’ll be a piece of cake to practice what you’ve learned on speaking confidentially, and whatnot. Personally, I’ve always wanted to cosplay, so, I’ll look into going to conventions. Super fun. =D You get it.

I STILL CAN’T APPROACH PEOPLE, I JUST CAN’T

If you don’t give yourself chances to interact with others, then you won’t grow. So, here’s a tip…

GIVE OTHERS A REASON TO APPROACH YOU

If you can’t do it, have others do it for you. Wear something you love that’s interesting, but above all… look inviting. I spoke of something that people often overlook that makes interaction with you much easier, and that is to smile. Do you realize how inviting people are when they smile? People will come to you much easier if you drop that intimidating frown. If you happen to accidentally make eye-contact with someone and you’re afraid to approach, just smile and give a slight wave, chances are, they’ll smile too and maybe even come to YOU.

Summary for Overcoming Shyness

In the end, overcoming shyness isn’t as big a thing as people make it seem. It’s all about how you feel about yourself. So, in summation...

Dressing How You Feel = Allowing Yourself to Feel Awesome. =D

Looking inviting = Allowing People to Approach YOU for a Conversation

Practicing Speaking in Front of a Mirror = Adding Command to Your Voice = Adding Confidence

Joining Groups that Share your Interest = Easier to Find Those You Can Relate to, Subsequently, Making Any Potential Conversations Drastically Easier.

But yeah, these are just some tips to overcome shyness. It’s not that hard once you give yourself a chance. Go for it, lots of interesting people out there for you to meet. ^_^

Further Reading…

Practical Ways To Conquer Fear

by Mark Hamble

• Fear of failure
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of loss
• Fear of pain
• Fear of crowds
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of being in the spotlight
• Fear of being ignored

If you recognize yourself in any of those fears, then you are ready for the first step in learning how to overcome them. Not only is it possible to overcome those fears, you can do it without spending a ton of money on counseling!